The best desserts often come from the worst fuck ups (lemon blossoms)

About two years ago I stumbled upon this recipe by Paula Dean. By stumbled upon it I mean I sat memorized in front of the TV as she practically made love to these tiny little cakes dunking them in deceitful glaze once and then once again. I bookmarked it right away and never got around to making them. Friday while chatting with Lisa I stumbled upon the recipe again and that was that, I was making those fuckers. I spent a good part of today finishing up some gifts to mail to my friends when I got the idea to wrap up the little cakes in their "sandwich" wraps as a surprise (note to friends, there will be no cakes, you will see why soon, but dammit there will be something, note 2, Niki its going out in the mail TOMORROW no matter what!)

Anyway, I followed the recipe to a T. Right away something seemed wrong, the dough was thick. And by thick, imagine softened salt water taffy. No part of that sounds like a cupcake batter huh? I figured Paula would never let me down so I plugged on. DISASTER CITY PEOPLE. The outside crisped immediately while the inside cooked up to the consistency of custard. They sunk in the middle like they were supposed to but I knew I was fucked. I pulled the edges off...hmmm, taste okay. Better make the glaze anyway. Okay, Dunked the edges in the glaze. This shit is fucking good man. I walked away from it for a while and then said fuck it. I'm making a lemon blossom strudel type cake. Basically I took all the good pieces and broke them up onto a plate and heated it up for about 30 seconds. Then I drizzled the icing over it and walked away again. Next thing I hear is my husband saying "these would be great if they were in the right shape." That was followed by, "maybe I should take some of that for lunch." So I took a bite and Goddammit it was amazing. Hell I would make it again, I would forgo the cupcake tins and probably go with a silicon pan. (Side note two damn days ago I was staring at the silicon cupcake cups thinking "I'll never use those." WRONG. I'm thinking that it has to be an altitude problem. Because it is the easiest recipe to follow that even my two year old couldn't have fucked it up.

Point is, before you give up on your mistakes try looking at them from a new angle, you might just discover a new family favorite. It may not look the best but if you close your eyes it's like eating a little bit of lemon glazed ecstasy on a fork.

Ingredients

• 18 1/2-ounce package yellow cake mix
• 3 1/2-ounce package instant lemon pudding mix
• 4 large eggs
• 3/4 cup vegetable oil

Glaze:

• 4 cups confectioners' sugar
• 1/3 cup fresh lemon juice
• 1 lemon, zested
• 3 tablespoons vegetable oil
• 3 tablespoons water

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

Spray miniature muffin tins with vegetable oil cooking spray. Combine the cake mix, pudding mix, eggs and oil and blend well with an electric mixer until smooth, about 2 minutes. Pour a small amount of batter, filling each muffin tin half way. Bake for 12 minutes. Turn out onto a tea towel

To make the glaze, sift the sugar into a mixing bowl. Add the lemon juice, zest, oil, and 3 tablespoons water. Mix with a spoon until smooth.

With fingers, dip the cupcakes into the glaze while they're still warm, covering as much of the cake as possible, or spoon the glaze over the warm cupcakes, turning them to completely coat. Place on wire racks with waxed paper underneath to catch any drips. Let the glaze set thoroughly, about 1 hour, before storing in containers with tight-fitting lids.

FAIL DRESSING

This weekend at the lake I came across a recipe I wanted to try in Cooking Light. I love wedge salads, and I love buttermilk and I love chive so obviously I would love this, right?

WRONG.

I am sorry Cooking Light but you really missed the bar with this one. The vinegar was an awful addition. It ruined the entire dressing. The raw garlic made the dressing far too spicy, it would have been so much better with a hint of roasted garlic. There was not nearly enough buttermilk flavor. I mark this recipe as a failure. I think later this week I will remake this recipe with my personal twist on it, and update you from there.

Ingredients

• 3/4 cup reduced-fat buttermilk
• 1/2 cup reduced-fat mayonnaise
• 1/4 cup chopped fresh chives
• 2 tablespoons chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley
• 1 tablespoon chopped fresh thyme
• 2 tablespoons white wine vinegar
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon black pepper
• 1 garlic clove, minced
• 1 (1 1/4-pound) head iceberg lettuce, trimmed and cut into 6 wedges
• 24 grape tomatoes, halved
• 1/3 cup thinly sliced red onion
• 1-inch pieces fresh chives (optional)

Preparation

1. Place first 9 ingredients in a blender; process 45 seconds or until herbs are finely chopped.

2. Place 1 lettuce wedge on each of 6 plates. Drizzle each wedge with 3 tablespoons dressing; top each serving with 8 tomato halves. Divide onion evenly among servings. Garnish with chive pieces, if desired.

Red bean quesidillas

This portion will serve two

1 can red beans
1/2 cup fresh or frozen white corn
1/2 cup diced tomatoes
1 tsp ground corriander
1.5 cups shredded monteray jack cheese
2 large flour tortillas

Preheat oven to 350. Rinse beans. In microwave safe dish heat beans for about 1 minute 30 seconds. Combine beans, corn, tomatoes and corriander. Place tortillas on cookie sheet. Line half of tortilla with 1/4 cheese. Top with half of your bean mixture. Top with 1/4 cheese and fold. Repeat. Spray the tops with cooking spray and place them in the oven for about 10 minutes to cook through. Turn broiler onto high and brown side one of your quesidillas. Remove them and flip them over. Spray with cooking spray and brown that side. Serve with sour cream and salsa if you desire.

HINT! When browning the outsides of your tortillas DO NOT leave your husband in charge of letting you know when they begin to brown. If you do, you may end up hearing SHIT SHIT SHIT coming from the kitchen as you run in to find your dinner looking like this.

When food goes wrong

Remember class when grilling chicken with the skin on it is important to keep it on low, be attentive and TURN IT OFTEN.
If not the fat will catch on fire and your chicken will go down the shitter
Last week I tried out this recipe. I added boneless skinless chicken and the whole thing was awful. The "broth" was bland and boring and greasy. The potatoes were flavorless and the whole thing sucked!