Ice cream sandwiches the cheater cheater pumpkin eater way

I am all for baking my own cookies. In fact I love baking cookies. However, on nights when I know I'm making a meal that will involve every dish in the house, I sometimes cheat and buy pre-made dough. My husband thanks me for not having an extra bowl, beaters or mixers in the sink and flour all over the ENTIRE kitchen.

Last night I baked some cookies with little bunnies on them. I realized that I had Neapolitan ice cream and the colors matched (shut up) so I figured hey why not. You let it soften for about 15 minutes. You don't want it runny you want it just soft enough for the spoon to poke right down into it.

Since these are small cookies you only need about 1.5 tsp of ice cream. Put it right in the center, put the other cookie on top and "smoosh" down. Put them in the freezer for about 30 minutes (or eat right then and there). When it's dinner time take the cookies out and give them a bit of time to soften and then ENJOY!

Steak tacos with avocado tomato salad

First I want to apologize for the quality of the above photo. I was using my husbands point and shoot and it WAS NOT cooperating.

I got this recipe from Rachel Ray. As with most of her recipes after tasting the ingredients as I went along (you better always taste while you cook) I realized it needed some major editing. The results were pretty fucking amazing. Last night we ate it as shown, as tacos, but today my husband just took the salad part and tossed the remaining meat on and called it a steak salad for lunch. Good shit. I will italic my edits.

• 1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil
• 1 tbsp teaspoons chili powder
• 1 tbsp garlic powder
• 1 tbsp onion powder
• 1 tbsp steak seasoning (I used McCormicks Spicy Montreal Steak Seasoning, a must in our house)
  
• 1/2 tbsp Adobo seasoning (if you don't have you can omit this just add extra salt, then go buy some)
  
• (2) 1 pound skirt steaks, halved crosswise
• Salt and pepper
• 2 jalapeño chiles, finely chopped (I used red fresno, sweeter with better spice)
  
• Grated peel and juice of 2 limes
• 1 head butter lettuce, shredded (my head was massive I only used half)
  
• 2 avocados—halved, pitted and cut into small cubes
• 2 tomatoes diced
• 1.5 tbsp sugar
  
• 1/2 white onion, thinly sliced
• 12 taco shells

Directions:

1. Preheat a grill pan (I grilled outside) over medium-high heat. Whisk together 1 tablespoon olive oil and the chili powder, garlic powder, onion powder, adobo seasoning, and steak seasoning, then rub all over the steak; season with salt and pepper. Marinate for one hour (if you are pressed for time don't worry it will still be good) Add to the grill and cook, turning once, until grill marks appear, about 5 minutes for medium-rare (they lie, four minutes was almost too much). Transfer to a cutting board and let rest for 10 minutes before thinly slicing across the grain. If your meat gets cold while resting place it on a metal baking dish (think cookie sheet and throw it back on the grill. It will heat it with out making it cook through more then necessary).
   

2. Meanwhile, in a medium bowl, combine the jalapeños, lime peel, lime juice, tomatoes, sugar, and remaining 3 tablespoons olive oil; season with salt (1 tsp) and pepper. Add the lettuce, avocados and onion and toss; season with salt and pepper.

3. Divide half of the avocado salad among the taco shells, then top with the meat and the remaining avocado salad.
   

I also added a little sour cream. We ate it with corn on the cob but later I realized the corn would have been excellent in it.

The best desserts often come from the worst fuck ups (lemon blossoms)

About two years ago I stumbled upon this recipe by Paula Dean. By stumbled upon it I mean I sat memorized in front of the TV as she practically made love to these tiny little cakes dunking them in deceitful glaze once and then once again. I bookmarked it right away and never got around to making them. Friday while chatting with Lisa I stumbled upon the recipe again and that was that, I was making those fuckers. I spent a good part of today finishing up some gifts to mail to my friends when I got the idea to wrap up the little cakes in their "sandwich" wraps as a surprise (note to friends, there will be no cakes, you will see why soon, but dammit there will be something, note 2, Niki its going out in the mail TOMORROW no matter what!)

Anyway, I followed the recipe to a T. Right away something seemed wrong, the dough was thick. And by thick, imagine softened salt water taffy. No part of that sounds like a cupcake batter huh? I figured Paula would never let me down so I plugged on. DISASTER CITY PEOPLE. The outside crisped immediately while the inside cooked up to the consistency of custard. They sunk in the middle like they were supposed to but I knew I was fucked. I pulled the edges off...hmmm, taste okay. Better make the glaze anyway. Okay, Dunked the edges in the glaze. This shit is fucking good man. I walked away from it for a while and then said fuck it. I'm making a lemon blossom strudel type cake. Basically I took all the good pieces and broke them up onto a plate and heated it up for about 30 seconds. Then I drizzled the icing over it and walked away again. Next thing I hear is my husband saying "these would be great if they were in the right shape." That was followed by, "maybe I should take some of that for lunch." So I took a bite and Goddammit it was amazing. Hell I would make it again, I would forgo the cupcake tins and probably go with a silicon pan. (Side note two damn days ago I was staring at the silicon cupcake cups thinking "I'll never use those." WRONG. I'm thinking that it has to be an altitude problem. Because it is the easiest recipe to follow that even my two year old couldn't have fucked it up.

Point is, before you give up on your mistakes try looking at them from a new angle, you might just discover a new family favorite. It may not look the best but if you close your eyes it's like eating a little bit of lemon glazed ecstasy on a fork.

Ingredients

• 18 1/2-ounce package yellow cake mix
• 3 1/2-ounce package instant lemon pudding mix
• 4 large eggs
• 3/4 cup vegetable oil

Glaze:

• 4 cups confectioners' sugar
• 1/3 cup fresh lemon juice
• 1 lemon, zested
• 3 tablespoons vegetable oil
• 3 tablespoons water

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

Spray miniature muffin tins with vegetable oil cooking spray. Combine the cake mix, pudding mix, eggs and oil and blend well with an electric mixer until smooth, about 2 minutes. Pour a small amount of batter, filling each muffin tin half way. Bake for 12 minutes. Turn out onto a tea towel

To make the glaze, sift the sugar into a mixing bowl. Add the lemon juice, zest, oil, and 3 tablespoons water. Mix with a spoon until smooth.

With fingers, dip the cupcakes into the glaze while they're still warm, covering as much of the cake as possible, or spoon the glaze over the warm cupcakes, turning them to completely coat. Place on wire racks with waxed paper underneath to catch any drips. Let the glaze set thoroughly, about 1 hour, before storing in containers with tight-fitting lids.

In case you are participating in Lent

I have a few friends participating in Lent, which means on Friday's they can't eat meat. Apparantly they can eat fish (I call bullshit, fish is meat) so I figured I would pull out a few of my favorite fish recipes from the archives.

Asian glazed sea bass

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Grilled citrus halibut

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Shrimp pasta alfredo

This is one of my favorites. I made it with and with out shrimp and it was fucking unbelievable either way. It's not a cheap meal, but it's a great special occasion meal, or romantic meal, or "I can't have red meat so make me something good woman," kinda meal.

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Finally the best meal my husband makes

Shrimp fried rice

Crab cakes

Because of lent I've been challenged to make new seafood items for my husband on Friday's. He loves crab so I decided I would make crab cakes. It was much quicker then I anticipated and kind of fun.

Recipe stolen from Paula Dean (and then altered)

Ingredients

• 1 pound crabmeat, picked free of shells
• 3/4 cup crushed crackers (recommended: Ritz)
• 3 green onions (green and white parts), finely chopped
• 1/2 cup finely chopped bell pepper (I used red, they are sweet)
• 1/4 cup mayonnaise
• 1 egg
• 1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
• 1 teaspoon dry mustard
• 1/2 lemon, juiced
• 1 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1 teaspoon salt
• Dash cayenne pepper
• Flour, for dusting
• 1/2 cup vegetable oil
• Favorite dipping sauce, for serving

Directions

In a large bowl, mix together all ingredients, except for the flour and vegetable oil, reserving 1/4 cup of cracker crumbs. Combine flour and cracker crumbs on small plate. Form mixture into small patties and pat each side in cracker/flour mixture.

Heat oil in a large skillet over medium heat. When oil is hot, carefully place crab cakes, in batches, in pan and fry until browned, about 4 to 5 minutes. Carefully flip crab cakes and fry on other side until golden brown, about 4 minutes.

**Note, my crab was extra wet or something so my mixture started out very wet. I crushed up more crackers and that helped a lot. I recommend having some extra crackers crushed in case you encounter the same problem.

Quick Chicken Pot Pie

I love chicken pot pie. What I don't love is how long it can take to make it when you do all the roux and thickening and shit. So I googled around, and messed around in the kitchen and I present to you my quick chicken (or veggie) pot pie. I will show you the steps for both versions. Basically I cooked the veggies and then added the chicken, reserving some veggies for me. However since my husband is a four year old about veggies I went ahead and added some peas to mine after his portion was safely out of peas harm. Keep in mind the ingredients in this are very loose, you can really adjust the veggie portion however you want, I'm just telling you my version. I'll tell you at the end a few other add ins I like.

Makes 1 9x9 baking dish or two smaller pans

1 batch biscuits (recipe below)

6 pieces boneless skinless chicken thighs or 3 breasts

1 cup celery diced

1 cup carrots diced

1.5 cups yellow potatoes diced

1/2 medium onion diced

1/2 cup frozen peas (unless you are afraid)

1 tbsp garlic powder

1 can cream of chicken soup

1 can cream of celery soup (if you are doing a vegetarian use two cans of this)

1 cup chicken stock (or veggie)

1 tsp salt

pepper to taste

Non stick cooking spray

Other additions: broccoli, mushrooms, leeks, and corn. My husband also likes his with gravy on it, since I'm being fast I boil some chicken stock or bouillon and then make a quick roux with 2 tbsp butter and 2.5 tbsp flour for about 3 cups of liquid. I put a little cheddar on mine this time and it rocked.

Pre-heat oven to 450. Coat 9x9 baking dish with cooking spray. Heat large skillet over medium high heat and coat with cooking spray. Add in carrots and cook for 2 minutes. Add in celery and potatoes and cook for 2 minutes. Add in onions and allow to cook until mixture softens, stirring often. (Don't allow your potatoes to get mushy, you want them to just be soft). Mix up biscuits and put in refrigerator. Set veggies aside and coat pan again. Place chicken in the pan and cook on both sides until slightly brown. Do not cook all the way as it will cook more in the oven. Remove chicken and shred or cube. Add chicken and veggies back into pan over low heat with soup. Stir to combine and add in chicken stock. (or veggie). Pour mixture into baking dish. Drop biscuit dough on top and bake for 25 or until biscuits are brown. Allow to cool, and serve.

Please note the portions can be adjusted for any size family. I made all of my veggies and then split it to make dinner for me (meatless) and dinner for my husband (green veggieless).

Quick drop biscuits (really they take about 2 minutes to make)

1.75 cups all purpose flour

1 tablespoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

5 tablespoons chilled butter diced up

1 cup milk

In a bowl combine flour, baking powder and salt. Cut in butter, mixing until butter is the size of peas. Make a well in the center of mix and add in milk. Stir for no more then a minute until dough pulls away from sides of bowls. If you want to continue making biscuits drop them on an ungreased baking sheet and bake at 450 for 25 minutes or until brown. If not, drop them on your pot pie and follow above directions.

Sloppy Tots and Joes

INGREDIENTS
1-32 ounce package tater tots
1 pound ground beef
1-8 ounce can of tomato sauce
1-6 ounce can tomato paste
2 tablespoons ketchup
1/4 cup water
1 tablespoon brown sugar
1tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
1 teaspoon mustard
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon onion powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper
1 cup cheddar cheese, shredded
1 cup pepper jack cheese, shredded
4 hamburger buns

DIRECTIONS
1. Preheat oven to 425 degrees.
2. In a large skillet cook ground beef seasoned with garlic powder, onion powder, salt and pepper. Drain excess fat.
3. Stir in tomato sauce, tomato paste, ketchup, water, brown sugar, Worcestershire sauce and mustard. Bring to a boil. Cover and simmer for 30 minutes.
4. Arrange tater tots in a single layer in a baking pan. Bake for 12 minutes.
5. Pour sloppy joe mixture over the tater tots. Sprinkle with cheese. Bake an additional 10 minutes or until cheese is melted. Serve on buns.